Living in a flat on the top floor of a 3 story building without a lift when you can’t walk is definitely no fun!
To say I felt isolated is an understatement.
Was it self induced? Definitely not! I’d gone for a simple angiogram and had a ‘Spinal Core Stroke’ during the procedure.
I hadn’t realised this nor the medics at the time. In fact, they couldn’t understand why I wasn’t able to walk after the initial rest and ordered an over night stay before they realised something else could be wrong considering I still couldn’t walk 24 hours later. Test were started immediately and it soon came to light my spinal Core must have been starved of oxygen and thus I’d had a spinal core stroke.
Being a bit shocked as I’ve never heard of this before, I did a bit of research. I found that it is very rare to have this, and has a high rate of ending up in a wheelchair! My attitude – no way for a wheelchair. I did not want to be in a wheelchair when I was only 59. I still had a life to carry on living. So my immediate reaction and attitude was to fight. It was almost as if my brain had not accepted the fact that I couldn’t walk. I can’t explain exactly apart from a deep down feeling that I knew I was going to walk again. And so did the consultant.
Once the team diagnosed what had happened, I was kept in until I had some mobility. At times it was embarrassing, others frustrating but I stuck with the program. I still remember the consultant holding my arm and helping me balance as I awkwardly shuffled down the hospital corridor. It was when I stumbled he grabbed my arm and said something I’ll never forget, ‘You are one of those rare people who will be able to walk again. Your attitude and your mind set has already saved you’.
I didn’t get what he meant at the time apart from thinking that maybe its just my stubbornness that I wasn’t going into a wheelchair. But it was when I got home and after being left alone in my flat that I realised the true impact of his words.
Being on the top floor means you don’t get many visitors. You can’t even hang out a window and try and catch people as they go by or even neighbours passing coming into or out of the building. So anything I needed meant I had to find a way for it and for me to get up and down the stairs. I decided I needed a daily paper, so instead of ordering it, I was determined to use it as part of my exercise to go and get it myself.
Yes, I did look funny going up and down the stairs with bits of string tied to my feet to help me move them from time to time. But it helped me recover. Even the postman always tried to help if he saw me on the stairs and spend a few moments to check that I was OK. I also had one good friend who did their best to check on me, but after a while, the visits dropped off naturally.
Nearly 6 months later, I suddenly realised that while I was going up and down the stairs albeit slowly, and going across the street to the shop to get the paper, I wasn’t actually properly interacting with anyone anymore. I had either avoided or couldn’t join in with others like I used to, so politely declined or kept things to a phone based contact only. I didn’t want people to see how I was having to live under this new limited mobility.
And then the thought hit me – if the only person I am talking to is the postman because I didn’t want people to come to me anymore, I need to start getting back out there and going to them instead! This is what the consultant meant. My attitude is to find a way. With new determination, I started to look online for something that I could focus on. To give myself a real challenge to go for. And I found it. The NSPCC’s charity moonlight walk to the top of Mount Snowdon.
Of course it took a while to get into some sort of condition for it, but eventually I was able to contact the charity and explain my situation of mobility and they were fantastic. They encouraged me and helped me connect with others in my area that were doing other charity events for them as well as then giving me guidelines on to how to prepare, what to bring and who would be able to assist me on the mountain.
Through doing this activity, it helped me connect with many others in my community as well as making friends on the trek itself. I wasn’t able to reach the top but I did manage to get a lot further than the assistant guide and I expected me too. I am proud to say that I got my medal and raised funds for them that night.
The photo above is me just after I came back down. It may not be the best of quality but I am proud of it. Everytime I look at it on my shelf, it reminds me of the words the consultant said to me back in that hospital corridor: “Your attitude and your mind set has already saved you.”
So if the postman is the only person you are talking to, look for ways to get out and about. There’s an earlier post on here giving some ideas, How to find a new Hobby and friendships. Check it out and let me know what made you want to get up and re-connect with others.